When I ask the question, "Who are You?" during my workshops, the response is often a stunned, stony silence. This silence isn't just about the difficulty of the question—it's a moment of realisation. Participants begin to confront the possibility that much of their identity has been shaped by external expectations rather than their true selves.
This question forces us to pause and reflect on a deeper truth: Whose life are we really living? It's a powerful moment that challenges us to reconsider our choices, our values, and the very essence of who we are.
In our journey through life, we often struggle with a lack of clarity on who we truly are. This absence of self-concept can lead us to wear masks, crafting identities that align with the expectations of others—parents, peers, society, and the countless voices that have shaped our understanding of what we should be. We spend our lives conforming to these assumed expectations, losing sight of our authentic selves in the process.
The masks we wear are often heavy, laden with the weight of pleasing others and the fear of rejection. They create a dissonance between who we are and who we portray ourselves to be. This dissonance leads to a life that feels unfulfilled, where our actions and choices are not driven by our true passions and desires but by the need to fit into a mold crafted by external influences.
Self-congruence—being in alignment with our true selves—is crucial for living a fulfilling life. It means peeling away the layers of imposed identities and rediscovering what truly matters to us. It is only when we focus on our passions, when our actions are aligned with our core values and genuine desires, that we experience a sense of fulfilment and purpose.
However, the idea of self-congruence raises an unsettling question: How much of what we believe to be our true selves is genuinely ours? The harsh reality is that there is no absolute freedom. Our faith, beliefs, interpretations, aspirations, desires—even our thoughts—are not entirely our own. They are shaped by our upbringing, education, peers, circumstances, and, most insidiously, by the pervasive influence of marketing, media, religious dogmas, and political agendas.
In a world where so much of what we are is given to us by others, the notion of true freedom seems elusive. We are free only in nothingness—in the absence of all external influences. But this void is not something to fear; it is an opportunity. It is in this nothingness that we can begin to take charge of our lives, stripping away the layers of external conditioning and consciously choosing who we want to be.
Take Charge Today: Embrace the nothingness, the space where you are free from the noise of the world. In that quiet, begin to craft a life that is truly yours, driven by passions that resonate with your core, leading to outcomes that fulfil you deeply.
Only then will you experience the freedom that comes from living in congruence with your true self.
RK (Rama Krishna) is a Master Coach | Facilitator | Curious Human, with three decades of Leadership, Learning & Organisation Development experience, across industries.
He is Founder of ProventusHR - A Bespoke Learning & HR Advisory
He writes occasionally and can be reached at:
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